


Gravitate

by trap



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-18
Updated: 2012-04-18
Packaged: 2017-11-03 21:05:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/385927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trap/pseuds/trap
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is doing that stupid bullshit thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gravitate

Stiles is doing that stupid bullshit thing where he is missing his mom. It happens pretty often, that he misses his mom, but sometimes it hits him in the guts with a fist, how much he grieves her. There's a hole in the world where she used to be, and after she left the only remnants of her were the things she'd touched, the things she loved. Everywhere in town is a space she walked through. That's why Stiles and his dad stayed, after she went. Because it hurt to move through town and see and feel all the things that she once had and never would, again, but it hurt even more to think they could go someplace she'd never been, some place there was no trace of her.   
  
Stiles is doing that stupid bullshit thing where he is all jittery with injustice and indignity and _rage_. God, he is such a teenager. But he knows that life has an end, and that makes him a man, too. When he gets like this his dad just lets him go out; doesn't try to halt him, doesn't try to talk about it. Sometimes Stiles runs but he doesn't really have the wind for long distance. So he runs until the lactic acid builds and he's nauseated through his guts and neck and head, and then he leans over and pukes up bile. His teeth itch and he wants to savage something with them. His hands form fists and he wants to hit. Then he sits, in the dirt and grass, heart clenched, that screw of emotion he just can't twist loose no matter how he claws at it.   
  
He can't breathe sometimes with how much he misses his mom. It's stupid, it's bullshit. He's been alive without her almost as long as with her. She was young when she died and he'll probably outlive her span, too. God one day. One day he's going to be _older than his mom_. Fuck. He puts his head to his knees and his arms over his head and blocks out the sun. This close to himself he smells his own sweat like a rancid stain.   
  
Stiles will never get how anyone could be a teenager and still want to be a werewolf. That's insane. It's hard enough already. Jackson is officially a crazy person. Sometimes Stiles thinks about the bite, what Peter Hale offered and what Stiles refused: and it's a little wistful, but mostly relieved. Everything is heightened as a werewolf. Everything is dialed up to _eleven_. Stiles can't imagine feeling any more of this than he already does. It would kill him _._  
  
There are things that are possible to do only because you learn them so young, and living with grief is one of them, Stiles thinks. Managing it, packing it away into the dense core of you until it has its own gravity, its own weight, but won't drag you down: that's the one survival skill Stiles has. Derek has it too.   
  
Stiles is doing that stupid bullshit thing where he is missing his mom, out in woods where he's run to get the rage out. He wants to cry but he doesn't want to cry. Being a teenager is _so stupid_. Being a teenaged werewolf is even stupider. Stiles is maybe the sanest person he knows, and isn't that a terrifying thought? Stiles is doing that stupid bullshit thing, and he does it just about every week, so maybe there's a pattern now - so maybe he shouldn't be surprised that it's been predicted.   
  
There's a rustling and a smell, a guy smell, sweat and clean skin, and then a warmth pressed against Stiles' side. Derek is sitting next to him. Derek was a teenager when his family burned, and how much must that have sucked. It would have sucked at any age, but as a teenager - pumped up on hormones both natural and supernatural, old enough to know there was injustice but too young to do anything about it - _frustrated_ , and _sad_. Sad. All the time, so sad. Stiles hiccups. When he thinks about it, it almost rips his insides right out. It almost shreds him. All that loss packed into one house and one fire. And then Derek's sister. And then Derek's uncle. It's bullshit to be sad about Peter fucking Hale, but sometimes Stiles almost is.   
  
Derek's chest heaves up in a sigh, and he's sitting so close that Stiles can feel it. Derek puts his hand against the back of Stiles head, the shorn hair buzzing against Derek's palm. Stiles goes boneless for him. " _Fuck_ ," Stiles whispers, voice wet.   
  
"Yeah," Derek exhales. They're carrying their grief with them everywhere they go. Like imploded suns. Pushing against it is the only way they know how to stand. 

**Author's Note:**

> Woah as I wrote this a literal pack of, what, I guess coyotes? Started howling outside. CRAZINESS. I guess it added ambience to the whole writerly process. O_O
> 
> Um, this is pretty much stream of consciousness, but I hope you have enjoyed and comments are appreciated ~ !


End file.
